Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tweaked Groin? WebMD says: No Such Injury!

Okay - as you know - Marian Gaborik missed the first two days of Ranger practice with what the Rangers reported as a "Tweaked Groin". I personally don't think there is such an injury. So I typed it into WebMD. Here's what they said:

We're Sorry. We found no results matching your search. Make sure your spelling is correct or try broadening your keywords.

Interesting. Gaborik has an injury that WebMD has never heard of. So I went a step further and looked up "Tweak" at the Webster online dictionary. Below are the actual definitions - with my observations in Ranger blue

Main Entry: tweak
Pronunciation: \ˈtwēk\
1 : to pinch and pull with a sudden jerk and twist

(No argument there. I'd say that anyone pinching or pulling anything in Gaborick's groin region would qualify as a "jerk" in my book. Or are they saying Gabby hurt himself doing the twist?)

2 : to pinch (a person or a body part) lightly or playfully

(Uh... playfully? Now I'm getting uncomfortable. I sure hope this was NOT what the Rangers were getting at.)

3 : to make usually small adjustments in or to. Fine tune;

(Now that sounds better. Maybe the Rangers are making fine tuning adjustments to their star winger. But what ever happened to the old fashioned back rub - do they really need to be tweaking his groin? How exactly is that supposed to work?)

4 a : annoy, bother <tweaking the establishment> b : to criticize especially in a sly or sharp manner c : to poke fun at

(I don't like the references to "poking" and "groin" together like that. Anyway - this definition seems more like Sean Avery than Gaborik.)

5 : to injure slightly

(Bingo - we have a winner. On the 5th and final definition we have a positive match. Gaborik has slightly injured his groin. It may not be on WebMD - but at least it's in the dictionary.
What a relief. And I'm sure glad it's not definition number two.)

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