Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Staal Brothers – recast as Cain and Abel

And The Lord made Canada and the National Hockey League and saw that it was good. And on the Seventh day he rested, as it was Hockey Night in the Garden (of Eden)

And Adam, after a great many Molsons, knew his wife, Eve, and they had two sons: Eric and Marc (Staal).

Now Eric spent his days shooting pucks and throwing elbows, while Marc toiled at the blue line.

One day Eric brought an offering to the Lord of a used Zamboni, and the Lord was not pleased and gave Eric a Five Minute Major.

Marc brought an offering of an authentic Rangers Jersey and the Lord saw the beautiful Blue Shirt with classic Red lettering and saw that it was good. Wicked good, in fact.

This angered Eric, and when he emerged from the holy booth of penalties, he smote Marc in the head until he was concussed.

Then the Lord said ”Eric, were is thy brother Marc, eh?"

And Eric said, “I don't know, am I my brother's goal keeper?"

And the Lord said to Eric” What have you done, you hoser? He is your brother, and the Ranger's best defenseman. I had chosen Marc for my Fantasy Team and now, Al Trautwig, who has chosen Ovechkin, is going to win for sure.”

And Eric said, “I did not realize that his head was such an important part. After all, he's a hockey player”

And the Lord grew angry and said ”Eric, you are under a curse and must toil forever in a hot southern city where no natural ice ever forms – to be forever plagued by a demon I shall call Sean Avery”.

Anyway you get the point. It's going to be weird when Eric Staal and the Hurricane play Friday night at the Garden because:

-Normally - when a player returns to MSG for the first time after injuring one of your players - you think about a little revenge.

-Especially when the victim is your best defenseman.

-Especially when the injury is to the head

-Especially when the effects are still being felt half a year later - as Marc still can't practice without the headaches returning.

-And Especially when it was a cheap shot - a gratuitous hit to a vulnerable player with clear intent to injure.

But this time it's different. This time the villain is the injured player's own brother. So, obviously, Marc wouldn't want the Rangers to retaliate.

Would he?

And if you're not attacking Eric – what are you saying to him. Asking how his brother is doing? Relaying best wishes through the guy that hurt him?

The whole thing is too weird to contemplate. And as awkward as it will be Friday night – just imagine how it will feel around the Staal Thanksgiving table this year.

Anyway, get well soon Marc. And Let's Go Rangers!

No comments:

Post a Comment